Till date.

1 year 1 Month into the relationship and we're getting into the mundane state.
Sometimes, I really wish for you to see things, and understand the way i'm behaving without me having to explain to you.

Most days now, i just feel so exhausted that things are falling back and there isn't anything left worth for me to try. Yes, there's the love. The most important part of it but communication is key and it should be reciprocal. It is tiring for me to keep TRYING AND TRYING to make you understand but u just.. don't.

So tell me, what should I do.

Eleventh.

Happy 11th Monthsary.

Its been a long and tiring journey. It was never easy with you. We had our fair share of fights and good times (more often fights) but i'm glad we're stronger and better now. 

I love you. 

Courage.

And oh its these happy good ol' times that keeps me holding on. But how long and how much more can I hold on to before i break?

Courage is really all I need now.

It is so clear to me, what the outcome is going to be.

And despite what my head is telling me, my heart tells me no.

But I should no better after all I've been through that sometimes, I really shouldn't follow my heart.

At least not when it comes to matters of the heart.

I love you, terribly much and i may not even have tried as much in my previous relationship but i know that we will not have a happy ending.

What is the point then of continuing? (My brain tells me.) 

But my heart says: As long as you love him, it will bring you both through. But is really love enough to tide us through this?

I know it isn't but i can't bear to leave. You don't understand how I feel and I feel like a naggy old woman repeating myself all the time, holding your hand and guiding you through this. I want to be taken care of not the other way round. 

Sigh. 

Happiness

l h n t y, i p t b a h t i t d .

h y n t m a t e i t d , n m h t I a, t a t u a t a.

x 

10/11 (?) more days till home.

I lost my phone and i wouldn't be contactable till then. How did i manage to lose it? I tried recalling but i cant. Last i remembered was using it in the mail room. :( I even went to shaws and dunkin' to look for it :(

Boohoohoo. No phone and i have to get a new one.

ALL my pictures, contacts gone.

Boston has been pretty good thus far. Not much opportunity to head out because there is school EVERYDAY except the weekends. Oh wells. The science module is killing me. If there's anything i hate more, its Science. The prof is so cute!!! Last warning already. She's too handsome! But there's a 12-15 page paper we need to do. DREADDREADDREAD. Don't know how i'm gonna do that, really.

Bought enough clothes and gifts enough for me to last for a year if i give him monthly. HAHAHA. Thats the thing, i can't stop buying lehhhhh!

Okay enough said, i miss my phone and SG fooooooooood.

What are we?

What are we?
Do we treat the ones we apparently love this way?
Things aren't exactly looking good between us now and sometimes, i am really tired of being in a relationship especially when i feel like i'm taken for granted.
I thought things were beginning to pick up but i guess i was wrong.


If i were to never tell you how i feel, you will never know.


Sometimes i wish you would show me, put in a little more effort to find out how i'm feeling, why i'm behaving the way i am. I'm only human too. There's only so much I can take.


So, what are we?